Saturday, January 14, 2012

One Shake at a Time: Day Six in Joe Montana Stylee

Did you say Niners? Did I say Niners? Did we all say Niners? Does anybody in their right mind give a flying frappucino about a fat fifty something on the freakin' Clean Program? What could be more boring, especially in light of the glorious heroics of the manly men on the football field, most of whom will not remember this game 30 years from now as they sit drooling in their wheelchairs babbling incoherently from permanent brain damage suffered from one too many hits to the helmet. But now is not the time to question the civility of American Football, for our home team has triumphed for the first time in many a sorrowful year, not since the days of Steve Young and his mentor, the greatest quarterback of all time, Joe Montana.

But these days blogging about the great Joe is probably as boring as babbling about peeing like a 12-year old. Because it's only us old guys that remember Joe and Ronnie and Dwight and "The Catch" that beat the disgusting band of pedophiles The Dallas Cowboys and their TV preacher coach Jimmy Johnson. I would venture to say that a good 80% of the revelers out there tonight have never heard of Bill Walsh, or even Joe Walsh, and the badass West Coast Offense. No they're more likely to know more about the badass Honey Badger than they know about Jesse Sapolu or Jerry Rice. I'm the first to admit this pathetic reminiscence about the good old days when brain damage was really only talked about in the context of Muhammed Ali is exactly that: pathetic. But how's anybody that's on his umpteenth set of retreads NOT going to have a, shall we say, historical perspective?

Interestingly enough, it was after a long dry stretch, not unlike the deepening doldrums that followed the demise of old twinkletoes Steve Young, that Joe Montana and Bill Walsh lifted the Forty Niners up by their bootstraps to their legendary dynasty of NFL dominence. The names of those sorry Niners teams of the seventies are mostly forgotten but bare a striking resemblence to the teams that preceded this year's fabulous run. No doubt there will be comparisons between this team and the team the emerged like a phoenix from the ashes back whenever the hell that was (this freaking cleanse is not helping at all with my search function). And there were plenty of beyond middle-aged matrons that would have laid it all down for Ronnie Lott then as they would for Vernon Davis now. I'll bet you could find a few on Lagunitas Road and Shady Lane tonight, right now, as we speak.

So let's just say Day Six of The Clean Program was, while true to form in overall content, was only remarkable because of the infectious joy that now pervades the Bay Area all because the hometown team has emerged victorious in the savage and exciting game known as American Football. Hooray! Go Niners!! (Personally I will be more ecstatic on March 3...please ask me why!)

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