Sunday, April 22, 2012

Yeung Lap Ming Has a BIZ To Do...With Me!


3AM on a Saturday morning can't sleep so I check my email, sitting on the side of the bed in the cell phone light, my baby gently snoring beside me. And there, in my mail queue, I see it: From Yeung Lap Ming RE:". I eagerly click it open, and it says, in no uncertain terms: "I have a biz to do with you". Cryptic, yes. But clear as day. Yeung Lap Ming has A BIZ to do, with ME!


Even at 3:15AM on a Saturday morning, the implications of none other than Yeung Lap Ming having A BIZ to do with ME are profound. I'm excited, nervous, expectorant. Surely this isn't any run-of-the-Asian-mill "biz" Yeung the Hung is talking about here. First, it's "A" biz. Not "some" biz, or "the" biz (though the prospect of the Lapper having "the biz" to do with me kinda makes my sphincter quiver, and not in a good way). No the old Lap Doggy clearly has "a biz to do" and THAT, my friends, is serious shit! I can only imagine what "a biz" might be!? Perhaps something involving rocket technology, guns, nuclear secrets, the reflections of colored streetlamps on a wet Hong Kong backstreet where ladies of the night peek from behind darkened doorways, their pimps smoking and playing FarmVille on their cell phones. THIS is probably exactly what the Youthful Lap Mingler is proposing: the BIZ, and he plans to do it with ME!


I do in fact have an inkling about the biz the Lap Dancer is involved in, though I am rather surprised that he is proposing to do his biz with me! I am pretty sure it is not the same biz that our dog Boo does at various places around the house - where Boo got the idea that dog turds are like Easter eggs is a little vague, but I'm not worried for I doubt the Lap Daddy celebrates Easter. It is also rather curious that after investigating my digisociety I can find not one family member, friend, acquaintance, groupie, heckler or f-buddy that the Lap Mingler has biz for. It seems I alone am worthy of the undoubtedly important and sensitive biz that Young Lapper has in mind. What could be more intellectually titillating?

But for now all I can do is sit and wait for further instructions. Will the stark reality of Yeung the Hung's cryptic email be followed with more concrete details about the "biz"? Or will the mysterious touch of an inscrutable email evolve into a fantastic flight of imagination that rockets across the Pacific Rim, then works its way in the mountains of Tajikistan to a dirty Moscow side street where "a biz" becomes a life or death proposition for millions of unwitting souls. Ultimately all we really know is this:

THINGS ARE HEATING UP IN LIMBOLAND! STAY TUNED! (Follow for "convenient" email updates!)

33 comments:

  1. Too funny, Jeb! Love your tagline, I can't wait to explore the site more. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Fe. I just posted a follow up for our commenter friends below who are downright afeared of the Lap Doggy! Have you ever heard of The Ebola Monkey Man? Talk about crazy funny stuff! I'll be interested to hear what you think!

      Take care,

      Jeb

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  2. i got the same email, i forwarded it to the FBI because he tried to get me to sign on for some terrorist-seeming organization or somethin.

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  3. I just got this email as well. Why does he have our email addresses? not safe, at all, get that ip, track him down and arrest the headcase.

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    1. Heres a copy of his IP identity
      Query terms are ambiguous. The query is assumed to be:
      # "n 162.39.147.132"
      #
      # Use "?" to get help.
      #

      #
      # The following results may also be obtained via:
      # http://whois.arin.net/rest/nets;q=162.39.147.132?showDetails=true&showARIN=false&ext=netref2
      #

      NetRange: 162.39.0.0 - 162.39.255.255
      CIDR: 162.39.0.0/16
      OriginAS:
      NetName: WINDSTREAM-COMMUNICATIONS
      NetHandle: NET-162-39-0-0-1
      Parent: NET-162-0-0-0-0
      NetType: Direct Allocation
      RegDate: 1992-07-21
      Updated: 2012-03-02
      Ref: http://whois.arin.net/rest/net/NET-162-39-0-0-1

      OrgName: Windstream Communications Inc
      OrgId: WINDS-6
      Address: 4001 Rodney Parham Rd
      City: Little Rock
      StateProv: AR
      PostalCode: 72212
      Country: US
      RegDate: 2006-08-10
      Updated: 2011-04-12
      Ref: http://whois.arin.net/rest/org/WINDS-6

      OrgAbuseHandle: WINDS1-ARIN
      OrgAbuseName: Windstream Abuse
      OrgAbusePhone: +1-888-292-3827
      OrgAbuseEmail: abuse@windstream.net
      OrgAbuseRef: http://whois.arin.net/rest/poc/WINDS1-ARIN

      OrgTechHandle: WINDS-ARIN
      OrgTechName: Windstream Communications Inc
      OrgTechPhone: +1-888-292-3827
      OrgTechEmail: ipadmin@windstream.net
      OrgTechRef: http://whois.arin.net/rest/poc/WINDS-ARIN

      #
      # ARIN WHOIS data and services are subject to the Terms of Use
      # available at: https://www.arin.net/whois_tou.html
      #

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  4. seriously! somebody needs to do something about this because my friend just got that and she is freaking out.... this is ridiculous! (just saying)

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    1. YEAH!!!! :(

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    2. It happened to me to.. actually the only reason I am here is to fnd out who he is and if it has happened before, apparently so.

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  5. omg. im creeped out. i never give my email out unless they are my best friends, anyways i got the same email and im only 13. i decided to look up who the heck he is and now im kinda freaking out

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    1. I feel the same way!!! I'm 13 too and got the sane email!

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    2. There's really nothing to be afraid of. These are mass emails sent by a service machine, there is no such guy as Yeung Lap Ming. They are running a 419 scam(Learn more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nigerian_419_scam). Be sure you block any further emails from him and don't worry! The best defense is knowledge. Learn about email scams and frauds and tell your friends. Here are the current email scams: http://bit.ly/M7Lb7n. No need to freak out!

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    3. Im 13 also and im really scared right now!

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  6. im 14 and i got the an email from him to. what do i do?

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    1. Hi Jesse. Yeung Lap Ming (a fake name) is running a 419 SCAM, a fraud intended to steal your identity, your bank account number, and whatever else they can steal. (Learn more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nigerian_419_scam)First, block the Lap Doggy and any other suspicious senders, especially any scammers. Here are the current email scams: http://bit.ly/M7Lb7n. Your Mom or Dad should know all about them and if they're not all down on your case for reading blogs like mine :)I'm sure they can fill you in on bad guys like The Lapper!

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  7. hey i got the same thing but he said i get a deal so. i think im gonna get to the bottom of this. Ill let yall know what happens.

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    1. Here is His Email:

      Good day,



      Thank you very much for your response, and your interest in this transaction, I am also glad to note that you are noble and trustworthy person whom I can rely on for your capabilities to handle this transaction. Like I said before, due to this issue on my hand now, it became necessary for me to seek your assistance, I appreciate the fact that you are ready to assist me in executing this project, and also you will help me in investing my money in your country, I am quite certain about that.



      Let me start by introducing myself again. I am MR. YEUNG LAP MING. The credit officer in Hang Seng Bank Ltd. Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client Colonel Sadiq Uday who was with the Iraqi forces and also big time businessman, made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a value of Nineteen Millions Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch. Upon maturity several notices was sent to him, even during the war which began in 2003. Again after the war another notification was sent and still no response came from him. We later found out that the Colonel along with his wife and only daughter had been killed during the war in a bomb blast that hit their home.



      After further investigation it was also discovered that Colonel Sadiq Uday did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank. So, Nineteen Millions Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it. What bothers me most is that according to the laws of my country at the expiration 9 years the funds will revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.



      Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Colonel Sadiq Uday so that you will be able to receive his funds.



      You should not have anything to worry about, I will do everything legally required to ensure that the project goes smoothly, it shall pass through all Laws of International Banking, and you have my word. Having resolved to entrust this transaction into your hands, I want to remind you that, it needs your commitment and diligent follow up. If you work seriously, the entire transaction should be over in a couple of days.



      I have seized all relevant documents (legal and banking) that will facilitate my putting you forward as the beneficiary of the funds and ultimately transfer the money to any account nominated by you anywhere in the world. Your share for this will be 40% from the total fund for your co-operation. I shall however leave out the details of this transaction till I receive an affirmation of your desire to participate with me. Be assured that I am on top of the situation.



      There will be NO risk involved whatsoever if you agree to come on board. This should be kept as utmost confidential between us. I guarantee that the transaction will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you and me from any breach of law. To affirm your willingness and cooperation to my proposal please contact me through my private email below stating the followings: (1) Full Name: (2) Telephone, Fax and Cell Phone Numbers: (3) Postal Address: (4) Occupation: Age:



      Note: You can contact me through my private email (yeunglm01@gmail.com)



      Waiting for your urgent response as soon as your receive this email.



      Kind Regards,

      Mr.Yeung Lap Ming.

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    2. who got the same thing or simular?

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    3. I have gotten several emails from this guy. But the name of the fund holder and amount are different from yours. All I can say is do not converse with him and report him.

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    4. DO NOT give the Lapper any of the information he requests, and, unless you are a qualified scam-baiter (see my blog on the Ebola Monkey Man), CEASE COMMUNICATIONS with this criminal immediately! This is known as a 419 or "advance-fee" fraud, you can learn how it works here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nigerian_419_scam. It is really important that you share the wiki article with any regular internet user, because people fall for these scams all the time. It's okay to have a laugh, especially if it makes more people aware of the these horrible frauds. Share with your friends and DON'T GET BURNED by the evil Lap Doggy!

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    5. Please read my blog on The Ebola Monkey Man. For the most part these scammers are complete idiots and douchebags, but, seeing as they're generally from lawless countries, they can be dangerous! Research Yeung Lap Ming's 419 scam and make sure you know what you're dealing with before you get too involved with the Mingler!

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  8. Im a flipping idiot!!!!! Lol he only got my name and po box. And phone.... he can't do anything. W that can he?!

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    1. I think you're okay beckamb! All the Lap Dancer can do is continue to harass you with his BIZ, but I'm sure once you tell him to get lost he will leave you alone.

      Jeb

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  9. I got the exact same email yesterday and I'm actually having a conversation with the guy.

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  10. Im also 13 he sent me 2 emails. What biz does he mean. I dont know how to block his emails! Im panicing! I told him a lie that im not from america!what if he finds me and kills me!

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    1. Hi~

      Don't be scared, as long as you haven't given out any personal information, such as your address... phone number... real name... things like that, to this Yeung Lap Ming character, you do NOT have anything to worry about ;) If you cannot figure out how to block the emails by searching through your email site (using the "help" button will help) then you can ALWAYS ask your parents!! That's what they are there for... to HELP you and keep you SAFE!!! They won't be mad at YOU, it's not YOUR fault... tell your parents, they will know what to do, ok?

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  11. First of all, THANK YOU Jeb for creating, and posting this site!! It was VERY helpful!! I received the very same email today (2 actually) and of course I found it very strange... I'm no stranger to scammers... so, I ALWAYS investigate EVERYTHING I'm suspicious of!! Your site came up immediately as I was searching for an answer as to who and what this was about.

    Second, I absolutley LOVE the story line of how you discovered the email.... VERY creative, and invoking!! Thank You!!

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  12. I fear no man, but that thing... It scares me.

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    1. Read your comic on Reddits and I had to google that name myself. Haha! Can't believe I found your comment too.

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  13. I just read an email that I got back in April using that name but the email address from the sender is from a real person from this area and it says "I've an offer for you"

    I'm sure it's just another scam since this email address is for anything I have to sign up for that will almost always result in spam, but it's just weird xD

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  14. The best thing to do with these type of emails are to sign them up (use their email address)for adult toy website catalogs and free porn sites. This will keep them busy for a while reading their own email boxes that are overflowing with junk email. I have done it a few times with other spam mail. If nothing else it gives me some satisfaction.

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  15. Yeah, I figured as much. The ole common sense mechanism still working for me. I told the guy I don't buy it in short and what to do with himself and he had the nerve to send me a message back begging me to re consider. Well ok then. First off, if someone wants to give me half of thirteen million dollars why would they beg me to take it? When I reply like a complete jerk why do they beg me to reconsider, and even tell me "I feel its the Lords will" I told him to remember thirty pieces of silver for the devil on his way to hell.

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  16. If it sounds too good to be true... it is. And you never know who or why someone may be testing you either, I make alot of comments on political and religious topics. But one thing I am sure of, I am an AMERICAN and wouldn't help no sob in third world smuggle in or steal out money to support their cause.

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  17. YEUNG LAP MING.
    BANK OF EAST ASIA, LIMITED
    (THE). BANK OF EAST ASIA BUILDING, 10 DES VOEUX ROAD CENTRAL.

    Dear Friend,

    It is understandable that you might be apprehensive because you do not
    know me but I have a lucrative business proposal of mutual interest to share with you.
    I am Yeung Lap-Ming,Foreign operation
    Manager of the Bank of East Asia Limited (China), 10 Des Voeux Road Central, China. Recently,I discovered that an
    Account Owned by Badri Khalaf Issa - a relative of the governor
    of northern Iraq's Salahuddin province who was shot dead by U.S. Forces
    and also a businessman made a numbered fixed deposit for 12 calendar
    months, with a value of Three Million,Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only into an account with my branch.
    Upon maturity,several notice was sent to him but there was no response.
    Consequently, another notification was sent and still no
    response came from him. We later found out that Badri Khalaf Issa - a relative of the governor
    of northern Iraq's Salahuddin province and
    the Governor's Son(Hussam) were shot Dead by the U.S Forces on a Sunday Afternoon. it was discovered that Badri Khalaf Issa
    did not declare any next of kin in his official papers, including the
    paper work of his bank deposit. The last time he came to my office, he
    confided in me that no one knew of this deposit in my bank. What
    bothers me most is that according to the laws of my country, at the
    expiration of six{6} years,the funds will be revert to the ownership
    of the China Government, if nobody applies to claim it. Against
    this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like to accost you
    as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Badri Khalaf Issa, so
    that you will be able to receive his funds.

    PREREQUISITE:
    I want you to know that all Procedure for the successful of this
    transfer to you have been mapped out and success is 100% sure. I have
    an attorney that will prepare the necessary documents that will back
    you up as the next of kin to Badri Khalaf Issa, all that is required
    from you is to provide me with your Full Names and Address, so that
    the attorney can commence his job.
    After you have been made the next of kin, the attorney will file for
    claims on your behalf and also secure the necessary approval and
    letter of probate in your favor for the Transfer of the funds to an
    account that will be provided by you. We are going to adopt a
    legalized method because the attorney will prepare all necessary
    documents in your favor..
    Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning
    this issue. Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated
    bank account, we shall share in the ratio of 50% for me, 50% for you.
    I sent you this mail not without a measure of uncertainty as to what the
    consequence entails.
    Should you be interested,please send me your:
    Full names and address.Telephone and fax numbers.
    Finally,I shall furnish you with more information
    about this operation.
    Your Prompt response to this letter will be appreciated.

    Kind Regards
    Yeung Lap Ming

    ReplyDelete

Let's get the conversation started, people!