Saturday, June 16, 2012

The Galleys Are Here!

Nobody uses that term anymore - galley -  and honestly I don't know why I'm using it except that I got a little rhyme going in my addled head:

The galleys are here
The galleys are here
Call up your buddies and have yourself a beer
Go tell Aunt Sally that the galleys are here!

I really liked this line:
Tell Uncle Ernie out drinkin' in the alley
to get off his ass and come proof the galleys

 ...but haven't figure out what goes with it yet. What do you think? (Tequila is always a good answer).

(If you are a regular adventurer in Limboland you know I am not likely to provide any valuable or even credible information about the functions and history of galleys so here it is have a tit:

 Speaking of tequila The Galleys are here. I'm talking about the version of the book right before it goes to print that actually looks like a book on the computer screen. It's got the ISBN numbers, the bar code, the words of hype I mean praise from the authors, rock stars, celebrities, Mom, Dad, the mailman (though we don't trust his ass ever since he started sending those bogus emails), the wife, the kids, (Mom says "kids now go post something real nice to your friends on Facebook about Dad's book so their Mommy and Daddy will go buy it, or you can forget about college!. I caught my daughter in the act the other day. She was just finishing up a sentence that said "I think my Dad might be mentally retarded. Either that or he's doing bath salts". I just had her change "retarded" to "challenged" -  I mean we grew up with that mean bullshit and it's really time to cut the retarded kids some slack, dontcha think?

So, HERE is a galley of HACK!! It's the TABLE OF CONTENTS. Now you don't have to buy the book because you can tell everything that's in it just by looking at this here Table of Contents!

The reason the publisher supplies the galleys to the author is to give them one final look for typos - not content edits, not grammatical fixes, but typos (though if there's a blatant grammatical gaffe that the copy editor didn't catch the author might grab it in the final read through and the change may be able to be executed by the chief coordinator.)

So maybe now you're thinkin' "okay so ya got your table of contents here and that's cool but where are the pictures?" Well even though graphic novels are very popular these days, "HACK" is not a picture book. Hey it's not even Young Adult fictioh, although young adults probably read a lot racier stuff than I do, in fact from what I understand there is a lot of blood being sucked out of peoples necks in these books, which is not the usual fluid nor is it coming from the usual body part. But who am I to say what's racy? I mean, here's the  first page of the first chapter after the prologue. Does this seem like it's gonna get racy to you? Do you get the sense that there might be some vampire action?

Okay! I don't know about y'all but I felt like it might be good to talk about something besides scammers: you know, that evil lumbuggy the Lap Doggy , Major Martha Davis, Raj-daddy's sweet little ho, the USPS and the rest of that nefarious crew. I almost brough up the movie I saw for the first time last night: Boogie Nights, the most amazing piece of shit I have ever seen! But then the galleys came, I started walking around the house humming my little tune, and now that my wife has kicked me out I'm having fun walking up and down the halls of the hotel. Some of the guests have even joined in with me!

The galleys are here
The galleys are here
Now get out of my face you stupid little deer! (that's not really what they called me but no more mean and hurtful shit I mean it. That's better! Phew. Almost made a major gaffe there.)

The important thing to remember is that this all means HACK in all its splendorous glory will be here as a hardback, a paperback, a Kindle, a Nook, a little baby Humdiddy! Just in time for those:

Lazy hazy crazy days of summer
those days of soda, and pretzles and beer
bring back those lazy hazy crazy days of summer
I wish that summer could always be here!


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