3AM on a Saturday morning can't sleep so I check my email, sitting on the side of the bed in the cell phone light, my baby gently snoring beside me. And there, in my mail queue, I see it: From Yeung Lap Ming RE:". I eagerly click it open, and it says, in no uncertain terms: "I have a biz to do with you". Cryptic, yes. But clear as day. Yeung Lap Ming has A BIZ to do, with ME!
Even at 3:15AM on a Saturday morning, the implications of none other than Yeung Lap Ming having A BIZ to do with ME are profound. I'm excited, nervous, expectorant. Surely this isn't any run-of-the-Asian-mill "biz" Yeung the Hung is talking about here. First, it's "A" biz. Not "some" biz, or "the" biz (though the prospect of the Lapper having "the biz" to do with me kinda makes my sphincter quiver, and not in a good way). No the old Lap Doggy clearly has "a biz to do" and THAT, my friends, is serious shit! I can only imagine what "a biz" might be!? Perhaps something involving rocket technology, guns, nuclear secrets, the reflections of colored streetlamps on a wet Hong Kong backstreet where ladies of the night peek from behind darkened doorways, their pimps smoking and playing FarmVille on their cell phones. THIS is probably exactly what the Youthful Lap Mingler is proposing: the BIZ, and he plans to do it with ME!
I do in fact have an inkling about the biz the Lap Dancer is involved in, though I am rather surprised that he is proposing to do his biz with me! I am pretty sure it is not the same biz that our dog Boo does at various places around the house - where Boo got the idea that dog turds are like Easter eggs is a little vague, but I'm not worried for I doubt the Lap Daddy celebrates Easter. It is also rather curious that after investigating my digisociety I can find not one family member, friend, acquaintance, groupie, heckler or f-buddy that the Lap Mingler has biz for. It seems I alone am worthy of the undoubtedly important and sensitive biz that Young Lapper has in mind. What could be more intellectually titillating?
But for now all I can do is sit and wait for further instructions. Will the stark reality of Yeung the Hung's cryptic email be followed with more concrete details about the "biz"? Or will the mysterious touch of an inscrutable email evolve into a fantastic flight of imagination that rockets across the Pacific Rim, then works its way in the mountains of Tajikistan to a dirty Moscow side street where "a biz" becomes a life or death proposition for millions of unwitting souls. Ultimately all we really know is this:
THINGS ARE HEATING UP IN LIMBOLAND! STAY TUNED! (Follow for "convenient" email updates!)
