Raise the Militia! The Second Amendment Needs Bigger Balls!

What's all this fuss about guns? It says in no uncertain terms in the Consititution of The United States, ratified as part of the Bill of Rights in 1791 - a mere 230 years ago give or take a few years - that:

"A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed."

Just the other night I thought I should take an inventory of my little armory, just to make sure that, should the government decide that the state was a little too free, me and my brother-in-law LeRoy could call a few buddies, field a militia and kick their repressive asses. Not that I'm trying to show any disrespect for our men and women in uniform (I can think of some very special respect I would like to show some of those manly women in uniform) but should Obama or some other 3rd world president get any ideas about taking away my guns, or LeRoy's, (especially LeRoy's!) I will exercise my constitutional right and not only keep my arms, but bear them as well!

So I drive the ATV the 100 yards out to the tornado shelter that I converted into my man

My armory may look badass, but...

cave/armory/trophy room and was looking through it thinking that, after the foiled government attempt to deploy a dangerous group of first graders with a top secret brainwashing chemical in their boogers, was starting to look paltry indeed. Adam Lanza's set up might have been fine for shutting down the government's plot to brainwash the population with poisoned boogers, but it would not stand a chance against a full frontal attack by the US Armed Forces.
Clearly the time has come to update the 2nd amendment. While "keeping and bearing arms" might have been fine 230 or so years ago, it has become dangerously evident that a local militia, even one with myself, Leroy and a few of our security guard buddies, is no match for...well, probably not even a match for the local police. If the right to keep and bear arms is intended to help the locals defend themselves from the government, it's time to level the playing field!

Let's start with military intelligence. It's true there are some faggots out there that call "military intelligence" an oxymoron, but if the people are going to be prepared for the federal government to go door to door collecting guns, we need to know when they're coming, and that means technology. The old "one if by night two if by day" bit ain't gonna cover it anymore. We need neighborhood basements stocked with computers: laptops, desktops, servers, iPads, iphones...I mean the works. We'll need satellites roving the skies and dudes with headsets with tons of shit strapped to their belts, cuz if the government has it, the people need to have it to!

THAT'S what I'm talkin' 'bout!

Still, all the intelligence in the world ain't gonna do the local neighborhood militia a chipmunk's penis worth of good if we don't have the firepower. Hell, as soon as me n' LeRoy even have the tiniest little thought about raising a neighborhood militia to fend off a buncha bleeding heart liberals disguised as first graders some dude in Langley will have drones prowling overhead ready to take us out for lighting a fart. Lemme tell ya it's gonna take a little more than my high capacity automatic assault rifle and my home made cluster bombs to deals with that. I mean, bearing arms and raising a fucking neighborhood militia with a buncha pea shooters doesn't mean shit if an honest liberty-loving guy can't get his hands on at least a remote-controlled rocket launcher, a few cases of grenades and some of those cool night-vision goggles. 

A bad attitude will get us nowhere.

Even so, it appears that a lot of my good buddies aren't gettin' it when they bitch about the government wanting to check to see if they've been beating the crap out of their women-folk before selling 'em another Uzi. Come on fellas, that ain't the point. And do ya think it's really that big of a pain to have to stop and reload before you take out another classload of commie first-graders? Hell no, that's part of the fun! 

I might have to remodel the garage to get this bad boy in there.

But that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about our rights as free Americans to defend ourselves against a repressive Federal government. That's what the amendment says fellas! It's not about your stupid little armory or my stupid little armory because all the toys in the world won't protect us and our militias against the US Armed Forces. So it's time to put some teeth into the Bill of Rights! It's time to make it clear that we don't just want guns, we want the right to keep and bear missiles, bombs, fighter jets, assault helicopters, drones, tanks, submarines, torpedoes, land mines, automatic machine guns, pistols and walkie talkies. Cause if we can't get the good shit, the 2nd amendment is about as good as some bullshit that a bunch of 18th century gay farmers in perfumed wigs pulled out of their crusty asses. 

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